This is from something I wrote in 2019.
Last October (2018), I got inspired by two actors running a marathon. I've always chosen running over any other form of exercise and I've even fantasized (yeah really) about doing a marathon. In my 20s I ran, but never got to the point of doing more than maybe five miles, if even that. And I certainly didn't get to the point of being able to run the whole thing. Whole thing being five miles. I struggled, as many do, with maintaining a healthy weight. I went up. I went down. I went up again. Who knows how many cycles of that over the years. And who knows if I'm even done with the cycle.
Right now I feel like I'm in a good place. I've gotten my eating into at least a place of semi-balance. I generally eat healthy. I used to overeat. A lot. I literally could not stop. It's such a hard addiction because you can't stop eating. It's necessary to live. And it's still there, my addiction. If I let myself I will eat and eat and eat and indulge and make myself sick. And then do it again. And sometimes I do give in because it's so hard to say no. So when I say I kind of have some balance now that is what I mean. I eat "mostly" healthy. I can generally control what I put into my body because over the last few years I've slowly, taken control. I don't know what works for other people. What works for me is to eat healthy food. I slowly weaned myself from the bad stuff and started eating healthy. I started eating when I was hungry, instead of all the time. I stopped buying certain things that were going to cause me to binge.
I have a routine. I eat the same thing for breakfast most days. I eat the same thing for lunch a lot of the time. And I still indulge a bit, but it's very thoughtful indulgence. If I want the cafeteria Mac and Cheese I ask them to give me a couple spoonfuls, not the whole thing. It's really hard to live this lifestyle to be honest. It's easier than it used to be, but if I let myself I'd eat and eat and just enjoy it all and end up being someone I don't want to be. And I'm not just talking about physical appearance. I had no will power. I literally could not say no. I feel better about myself because I've taken control of my life. Today I had a quarter of a doughnut. Someone said, "Why torture yourself that way?" But it wasn't torture. I got to have something I enjoy without feeling gross afterward. I'm not starving myself. I'm not harming my body by overeating. I'm just trying to be more balanced.
And then there is running. I really love it! Seriously! I mean it's a love/hate of course. I have to make myself get out there, but I'm always glad I did when I'm finished. Last December I started my running journey. I ran at the local track for maybe two miles. I walked a lot of it. And then I decided to start training for a half-marathon in January. I missed some runs because it got cold and I don't DO cold. I mean I really don't do cold. There is ice in my veins and I hate winter with a passion. Just so we're clear on where I stand there. Now despite my hatred of all things cold, I did make myself go running if it was above 40 (mostly). And eventually I could run for half the time. And that was how I did it. I ran some and walked some and just did what I could. And in May 2019 I ran my first half-marathon. And then I decided to see what I could do with my running. Could I run three miles without taking a walk break? Well...apparently I can. Okay. How about six? Again, I can. Let me be clear here. I've NEVER been able to do this. Why all of a sudden I'm motivated and able to do this is beyond me quite honestly, other than I just finally got super motivated. I guess I honestly had a goal. I'd never signed up for races before so maybe that is part of it. I had something to work toward. So I ran another half in July and then another in August.
Running a marathon has been my goal since my twenties. And now here I am at a point where it could be a reality. In October, I finally committed. I signed up for the Austin Marathon. I started a training plan before that because I had to prepare myself first. And since I was on a marathon training plan, it was time to sign up for a marathon. And so in February of 2020 if I follow through with my plan I will run my first marathon. I'm proud of myself, not in a prideful, "I'm all that" way, but in a healthy, "good for you" way. I've come so far. I hope I run for many years to come and I hope that I run more than one marathon. It's really changed my life.
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