I ran twenty miles yesterday. That was the longest run in my training plan and I've gone back and forth wondering if I would be able to get that one in. I've also gone back and forth wondering if I can do this marathon in February. I got my eighteen mile run in during December and while I felt pretty good about that, my legs were aching and I didn't honestly know how I could do anymore miles. But I decided that if I got the eighteen miles in then I could probably run the marathon. And yet, I still doubted and wasn't sure that doing the marathon was the best plan. But I haven't spent the last several months training to do a half marathon. I already conquered that mountain. I know I can do that. I've trained for a marathon and come what may that is what I am going to attempt to do on February 16th. And yesterday I completed twenty miles. I went through the stages I have heard about. I felt really good for the first five to seven miles. Once I got to the half marathon point, I started to have some doubts that I could really do a marathon because I was pretty exhausted. I told myself to run until fifteen and then I could do some walking. And I did. I walked a couple of laps and had an energy gel. And I told myself I had five more miles in me. And at that point I really wasn't feeling it. But then I decided to run three laps and walk a lap. Three laps around the track I run at is about a mile. And somehow I was able to talk myself into it and I'm pretty sure it was the energy gel kicking in and giving me the little push I needed to finish strong. I honestly thought I might not be able to run MUCH of the last five so to be able to run three and walk one is me finishing strong. And honestly, if I really wanted to push myself I probably could have done another couple miles or even if it were marathon weekend I feel like I would have been okay to finish. So now, I am feeling confident. I really think I can complete my marathon on the 16th. I hope I can finish between five and five an a half hours, but the goal is to finish and get that finisher's medal. So yes, I think I can.
I feel like I have to pause here and make sure that what I say come across clearly. I support everyone being themselves. And if you are happy and fulfilled at whatever weight you are at and at whatever fitness level you are at I am happy and support you. I know people struggle with self-image issues and I don't want to contribute to that. I do want to encourage anyone that felt the way I did, that you can be who you want to be. So here goes...
I was the girl in school that got picked last for sports. I was the girl that got called names because she wasn't pretty enough or thin enough. I never felt good about myself because kids are mean. I'm sorry, but they are. Maybe they get it from their parents or maybe it's just a natural survival of the fittest mentality, but kids can be extremely mean. And when they don't like something about someone, they can attack. When I was in first grade, a new girl who everyone wanted to be friends with for whatever reason decided I was the one to exclude. I remember being at recess and one of my friends told me that she still liked me, but had to pretend she didn't because of this girl. I know what it's like to be targeted. For no good reason. I don't know why she decided to do that. But it happens and it's horrible and it leaves a mark. So I've always felt like I wasn't good enough. And it wasn't just this one girl either. Boys were mean to mean too. Some of them were nice, but a few mean boys is what you remember. Not the nice ones. The mean ones. Imagine you have a daughter. She is sweet and loving and full of life. You send her to school to get an education. And you don't know that in addition to an education she is learning that she is gross. She is being told she is fat. She is being told she is ugly. She is losing her true self on a daily basis because a few kids decide to target her. And you probably have no idea. My parents didn't. Anyway, so that is where I'm coming from. And that is why I'm so amazed at what I can do.
With few exceptions, I believe that if you truly want something and it's not something unhealthy in some way then you can probably have it. I've wanted to run a marathon since I was in my twenties. And now, in my forties, I'm about to achieve that dream.
Here is a diversion to another dream I had. When I was young I wanted to be an actress. I honestly think it was what I was meant to do. But I didn't have parents that knew how to help me with that dream. When I tried to go for it by majoring in theater, I was discouraged from doing that by a well meaning parent. She didn't think I could do it because I was to shy. Honestly, my mom is a good person, but she just didn't really know my true potential. She didn't know how to encourage. She just isn't one of those people. She was probably afraid I would fail and have nothing to fall back on. But really, so what? If I had gone to New York or California and given it a shot, the worst thing that would have happened is that I would have come home and maybe gotten a job or gone to college in my thirties. People do that all the time. It's not a sign of failure. It's just a new period in your life where you transition into something else. So that is a dream I didn't get to even attempt because of my mom's fear of my failure and my own inability to break the rules and just do what I wanted to do. But now in my forties I am doing community theater. My goal right now is to try to be in one production (at least) a year. And so, right now I'm living that dream. Is it the original dream I had for my life? No. But am I at least living it on some level? Yes.
So I believe that you can probably live your dream if you really want to . It might not be perfect. I might not be exactly what you envisioned, but I believe that if you have something inside you then go for it. If you fail so what? You aren't going to regret trying. And even though I feel like I let my younger self down and I will always regret not making an honest attempt when I was young, I no longer think that I'm too old to realize my dreams. At my age, my dreams aren't going to be fully realized. And that is okay. But I can have something. And I'm happy because I'm about to run a marathon and I'm getting to act on stage in community theater. And that is me living my dream.
SO parents. Please don't discourage your kids from following their dreams. Please do what you can to support them.
And if you are reading this thinking you are too old to achieve your dream, I just want to say maybe you're not. Maybe you can have that dream, even if it is only partially realized. I don't think it's too late to have your dream. Can you have the thing you've longed for? I don't know for sure because I don't know what your dream is, but I want to say, "Yes, you can!"
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